"ACTUALLY, I COULD ORDAIN YOU RIGHT NOW IF YOU LIKE." THOSE WORDS PRESENTED NEWLY BLONDE, NON-RELIGIOUS ME WITH AN OPPORTUNITY THAT WOULD ULTIMATELY SHAPE THE IDIOCY OF THE YEARS TO FOLLOW. In the United States over the last ten years, twenty-three million couples have married. The Idi-Odyssey is the story of my random journey through .000003% of those weddings. The story begins with an unplanned ordination in Lake Tahoe by Yukon Dave, a white-water rafting guide/minister. A myriad of ridiculous weddings situations and relationships followed, ultimately leading to the "Year of the Wedding" during which my younger brother Russ married the same woman three times in the same year. Not to be completely outdone by the marital gymnastics, I secretly married my girlfriend to keep her in the country a week after Russ' first wedding; and despite my father's counseling, "Don't feel any pressure to get married just because your younger brother did." Along the way, there's also the Nantucket whale penis, the great gift wars of 1999, the Idiotarod, the weddings I officiated and much, much more.